bad, bad, bad, bad, bad news bears

a couple week ago i was looking at hairs further up the back of my hand than i had taken note of before and i wished i could be completely hairless for a while

on april 12th we took 3rd of 9 at the indoor norwegian ultimate championships
one april 20th i shared in 20th of 22 at WCU in københavn - which means our pick-up team beat two non-pickup teams
blah blah

it has been a bad month
it has been hard to get out of bed
except for this morning cuz i tasked my flatmate to get me out of bed before he left
thomas is more better than the most bestest
(no double comparatives or triple superlatives!)
it was still hard to get out of the house even after i was up

most things hurt
like my knees when i walk down the stairs leaving the house in the morning
i don't think i can do anything about most of the pains and
the things that don't hurt i can't seem to notice


i am being crushed
which will happen when you care too much and take it all too gravely
alex suggested gandhi's auto-bio "my experiments with truth" which i borrowed from the library but haven't yet cracked open
this bit about being crushed by the world would fit better up with that paragraph about not being able to get out of bed

i need a job
which means updating and translating my resume
looking for work always depresses me
i can look for a nice job in a way that will bum me out a lot
or i can (maybe) easily get a less nice job by going to the employment offices

i am sitting in the library waiting for a book to come down from storage
"silicon snake oil" by this wall-climber
i don't know why i am thinking about that right now
i should probably focus on the gandhi
but stoll has unstoppable life energy that comes at a price - envy? yeah
i don't know if the book is coming because i used the computer to order it from storage and i don't know if they really use that system or if i should have gone up to a desk
i can't find all of the norwegian words to ask and i don't feel like asking in english

tomorrow i will deliver an all too wrangled over thought over worked i mean i have worked more on it than i should have semester paper that doesn't say what i want but has lots of "ganske advansert" language (sentence construkjons that my teacher doesn't expect) and then all that is left for the year are a six hour written exam next monday (which i expect to finish in a little over three maybe - except there is an essay so maybe 7 hours is more likely) and a 40 minute (20 reading 20 speaking) oral exam next thursday

then yeah job
bleh
i think i am cancelling my berlin trip which means not meeting up with thomas valentine

and i miss ______ fill in your name here if you live or lived in boston and we were friends (eg. andrew, emma, jasmine, deb, ...)
but i think mostly i have been not replaced but supplanted whatever the difference is - okay there isn't really a notable one

if i come home will you make out with me?
brain vomit
as promised at the beginning