i didn't blog about summer or travels or
today i am just out out out of it
i am sick
went home after class ended at noonish
napped
awoken by a friend coming to borrow something
started doing math
got my head turned around a bit and somehow lost my understanding of time and the clock and came down here for a 1715 class
but it is only just now 1615
i guess i will just do some more math in this almost empty room
my weeks seem to follow a stress-on stress-off pattern
this is a a stress-on week
and we only got the cabin for one night this weekend
i don't even like the idea of a one night cabin trip
arrive
eat
whatever
sleep
wake up
eat breakfast
and already you have to think about leaving again
not even one true full day clear of life worry
nigh pointless
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
berlin third morning: first...
...white grapefruit juice since leaving the states 1.19E from Lidl
flea-purchased shirt that doesn't fit
i got to a point on the bike yesterday far beyond sweaty
to something like well-lubricated
i have been writing while out here
and my thoughts are all metered
percussive lyrical
(i am supposed to start to try to supply vocals for some mostly-metal project when i get back to trondheim)
berlin is like chicago without a downtown?
no tall buildings - broad squat - excuses of swamp
flat - wide streets - more green but very localized
i don't know where to...
i'm not in love (with this place)
cuz i don't know where to look?
flea-purchased shirt that doesn't fit
i got to a point on the bike yesterday far beyond sweaty
to something like well-lubricated
i have been writing while out here
and my thoughts are all metered
percussive lyrical
(i am supposed to start to try to supply vocals for some mostly-metal project when i get back to trondheim)
berlin is like chicago without a downtown?
no tall buildings - broad squat - excuses of swamp
flat - wide streets - more green but very localized
i don't know where to...
i'm not in love (with this place)
cuz i don't know where to look?
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
loyalty, beauty, additional injury at the hands of douchetards, douchebag doctors and self-care
sometimes i start blog posts in my head but that is not a good storage place.
i am retiring my beloved brown corduroy cut-off shorts.
they have served me well for a long long (long) time. first as full length pants and then duh. i replaced the zipper when it lost too many teeth. i replaced the metal button with a little clasp when the material weakened so much that it just pulled right out. that clasp broke recently. if i hold it up i can see light through almost the whole garment save the pockets. it has a big rip right near the bottom of the right pocket (a window to that day's underwear selection). it has a beautiful little splotch of purple paint that pictures can't seem to capture correctly. i will cannibalize the zipper and i expect that most of the viable material will come back as functional patches for something else.
PURPLE
i was preparing some food the other day. dug into the basket of onions on top of the fridge and pulled out, among others, this beauty. the color was so intense and it was so alive that i didn't have the heart to chop it up. so it is sharing a pot on my desk pile with a little barely-living emaciated tiny palm-relative thing. reaching green towards the sun. mmm. i didn't not truly plant the onion for fear of displacing/hurting the little guy, but it is reaching down on it's own from it's spot on top of the bit of soil and setting in some rootlets. i will take some more pictures of it as it finds its fate. i am sure it will continue to grow quickly in this crazy light we have.
i played disc golf for the second time last thursday. the first time was with normal discs with peter berdovsky in some woods in maybe arlington some time last year. we threw at rocks and trees and picnic tables. this time was with norwegians with fancy heavy compact (~8.5" diameter) rubbery discs -- each dude carried between fifteen and twenty discs that all hook or slice or roll in different ways -- aiming at ground-planted fancy-dancy metal baskets with chain catches.
these discs fly really strangely and even though most of the guys looked super-pro with their array of colorful discs lined up in their specially designed disc-golf bags (where are the caddies people?) they still didn't really seem to have such awesome control. any of the discs takes a good while to get used to - so yeah i am not sure that having just one disc was really such a disadvantage for a first real attempt. some other douche that also joined up just that day was throwing some practice throws before we really started. he decided to throw in my direction and decided to wait to shout "heads up" until just milliseconds before the disc actually hit me... in the head. thanks douchetard. anyway. whatever. it is almost healed. but it seems like i loose blood every time i try a new disc thing or new disc place. or. i am just an injury magnet.
i went to the doctor today (yesterday). i talked just a bit about my depression and got a scrip - *SNAP!* then i started to talk about my joint pain and he all but told me by tone and level of attentiveness "hurry up. i don't really want to talk to you any more." he ordered some blood tests for arthritis (i didn't know it was blood detectable), told me that depressed people often complain of aches and pains, prescribed another pill for joint pain (which i am not jumping straight into) and tried to shuffle me off. excuse me while i swear - but fuck you dickhead. i know that the depression is to blame for a lot and i AM looking to my mental betterment to iron and even out some of my smaller aches and pains, but i also know that there is something trauma-caused and legitimately wrong with my left ankle and my right knee and something seriously wrong with my achilles. i tried to get him to look at my right heel/achilles and he said something like "yeah okay, if we can do it quickly." - if he was going to use an adverb in that sentence it should have been "thoroughly" -- he suggested that i just need more exercise but didn't want to listen long enough for me to say "look my knees hurt just walking down the stairs sometimes. my achilles tightens up after just a few minutes on my feet." i can't just GO BE MORE ACTIVE. he basically just said "you should probably go do some stuff." without really helping me figure out what exercises might be helpful for the specific pains i have. whatever douche. i have to go back next week to follow up on the beginnings of the 28 day box of Zoloft™-®-©-whatevs that i have in my hands (okay it is in my backpack) and if i have to sit there until he listens to me then i will sit there.
... posting ... continuing tomorrow ... or the next day ...
i am retiring my beloved brown corduroy cut-off shorts.
they have served me well for a long long (long) time. first as full length pants and then duh. i replaced the zipper when it lost too many teeth. i replaced the metal button with a little clasp when the material weakened so much that it just pulled right out. that clasp broke recently. if i hold it up i can see light through almost the whole garment save the pockets. it has a big rip right near the bottom of the right pocket (a window to that day's underwear selection). it has a beautiful little splotch of purple paint that pictures can't seem to capture correctly. i will cannibalize the zipper and i expect that most of the viable material will come back as functional patches for something else.PURPLE
i was preparing some food the other day. dug into the basket of onions on top of the fridge and pulled out, among others, this beauty. the color was so intense and it was so alive that i didn't have the heart to chop it up. so it is sharing a pot on my desk pile with a little barely-living emaciated tiny palm-relative thing. reaching green towards the sun. mmm. i didn't not truly plant the onion for fear of displacing/hurting the little guy, but it is reaching down on it's own from it's spot on top of the bit of soil and setting in some rootlets. i will take some more pictures of it as it finds its fate. i am sure it will continue to grow quickly in this crazy light we have.i played disc golf for the second time last thursday. the first time was with normal discs with peter berdovsky in some woods in maybe arlington some time last year. we threw at rocks and trees and picnic tables. this time was with norwegians with fancy heavy compact (~8.5" diameter) rubbery discs -- each dude carried between fifteen and twenty discs that all hook or slice or roll in different ways -- aiming at ground-planted fancy-dancy metal baskets with chain catches.
these discs fly really strangely and even though most of the guys looked super-pro with their array of colorful discs lined up in their specially designed disc-golf bags (where are the caddies people?) they still didn't really seem to have such awesome control. any of the discs takes a good while to get used to - so yeah i am not sure that having just one disc was really such a disadvantage for a first real attempt. some other douche that also joined up just that day was throwing some practice throws before we really started. he decided to throw in my direction and decided to wait to shout "heads up" until just milliseconds before the disc actually hit me... in the head. thanks douchetard. anyway. whatever. it is almost healed. but it seems like i loose blood every time i try a new disc thing or new disc place. or. i am just an injury magnet.
i went to the doctor today (yesterday). i talked just a bit about my depression and got a scrip - *SNAP!* then i started to talk about my joint pain and he all but told me by tone and level of attentiveness "hurry up. i don't really want to talk to you any more." he ordered some blood tests for arthritis (i didn't know it was blood detectable), told me that depressed people often complain of aches and pains, prescribed another pill for joint pain (which i am not jumping straight into) and tried to shuffle me off. excuse me while i swear - but fuck you dickhead. i know that the depression is to blame for a lot and i AM looking to my mental betterment to iron and even out some of my smaller aches and pains, but i also know that there is something trauma-caused and legitimately wrong with my left ankle and my right knee and something seriously wrong with my achilles. i tried to get him to look at my right heel/achilles and he said something like "yeah okay, if we can do it quickly." - if he was going to use an adverb in that sentence it should have been "thoroughly" -- he suggested that i just need more exercise but didn't want to listen long enough for me to say "look my knees hurt just walking down the stairs sometimes. my achilles tightens up after just a few minutes on my feet." i can't just GO BE MORE ACTIVE. he basically just said "you should probably go do some stuff." without really helping me figure out what exercises might be helpful for the specific pains i have. whatever douche. i have to go back next week to follow up on the beginnings of the 28 day box of Zoloft™-®-©-whatevs that i have in my hands (okay it is in my backpack) and if i have to sit there until he listens to me then i will sit there.
... posting ... continuing tomorrow ... or the next day ...
Sunday, May 25, 2008
whatever and whatever
WHITE NIGHTS
They don't say "White Nights" here - but it's in my head because a Russian classmate keeps saying it. All the same it doesn't get dark here any more. It goes just beyond the point of pretty sunset colors holds there dusky and murky for a while and then comes back to colors. It is really easy to lose track of time sitting here looking out my window. I can't say I love all this light but the plants sure do. I can see one sod roof from my sitting spot here - it is kind of brownish but the wind is blowing the grass in little ripples. Yeah - and still almost a month left until June 21st. I will try to take a picture at the midpoint between sunset and sunrise on that longest day.
BLUE TUBE (Blue the way the British at least used to use it.)
We have all visited YouTube. Dramatic chipmunk. Star wars kid. That "Leave Britney alone!" freak-out kid. All that stuff.
The little thumbnails that YouTube automatically generates when someone uploads a video come from the center frames of that video. The titles, descriptions and duh video content are all user generated. So... if you want to disseminate information that people normally avoid, disguise it as stuff that people often seek out, PORN. People (should) know that YouTube does not allow nudity or anything otherwise too offensive, but apparently they don't and the attention span of someone who thinks they are going to get to see free nekkidness is pretty surprising. If you have a five minute video on your theories about the 9/11 (fishy is fishy right?) just stick a provocative frame in the middle, give it a skanky title and description and you have an instant viewership.
Looking around I see a video (I swear I am not exposing you to porn) on abolishing the senate with like 60 million views and 3,500+ comments. There is also some DUCKROLL phenomenon getting mixed in with the political and random stuff -- it's a duck with wheels. Forget I mentioned it... more I was going to write but Abdul needed some kitchen-sitting and why am I sitting in here anyway. Going outside now.
They don't say "White Nights" here - but it's in my head because a Russian classmate keeps saying it. All the same it doesn't get dark here any more. It goes just beyond the point of pretty sunset colors holds there dusky and murky for a while and then comes back to colors. It is really easy to lose track of time sitting here looking out my window. I can't say I love all this light but the plants sure do. I can see one sod roof from my sitting spot here - it is kind of brownish but the wind is blowing the grass in little ripples. Yeah - and still almost a month left until June 21st. I will try to take a picture at the midpoint between sunset and sunrise on that longest day.
BLUE TUBE (Blue the way the British at least used to use it.)
We have all visited YouTube. Dramatic chipmunk. Star wars kid. That "Leave Britney alone!" freak-out kid. All that stuff.
The little thumbnails that YouTube automatically generates when someone uploads a video come from the center frames of that video. The titles, descriptions and duh video content are all user generated. So... if you want to disseminate information that people normally avoid, disguise it as stuff that people often seek out, PORN. People (should) know that YouTube does not allow nudity or anything otherwise too offensive, but apparently they don't and the attention span of someone who thinks they are going to get to see free nekkidness is pretty surprising. If you have a five minute video on your theories about the 9/11 (fishy is fishy right?) just stick a provocative frame in the middle, give it a skanky title and description and you have an instant viewership.
Looking around I see a video (I swear I am not exposing you to porn) on abolishing the senate with like 60 million views and 3,500+ comments. There is also some DUCKROLL phenomenon getting mixed in with the political and random stuff -- it's a duck with wheels. Forget I mentioned it... more I was going to write but Abdul needed some kitchen-sitting and why am I sitting in here anyway. Going outside now.
"I'm not even supposed to be here today!"
I finished my year with a muntlig (oral) exam on Thursday.
I have to wait three weeks for results (written and oral) but I may have managed an A without really trying. If so, that's two for the last two -- calc II UMassB AUG06 -- but I had to work on that one a little.
Anyway ...finished and wanted to get away. The last weekend here for a few people I know. My friend (An)Toni(a) and I got up really early to stand in line for cabin reservations on WED. morning. We weren't early enough and didn't get the cabin we wanted but got another one that would be tight and cozy but further away. Three of us were supposed to go on Friday afternoon. Another three to five to come on Saturday afternoon and just Toni and I were going to stay over Sunday night and come back Monday some time.
Toni and I spent a good amount of time Friday morning preparing a few days worth of lunch -- a major egg and potato salad: small farm strong eggs bought that morning from the gas station, potatoes, carrots, cauliflower, red pepper, lentil sprouts, onion, leek, garlic, light mayonnaise, bunch of spices -- all in a strong plastic bag to massage-mix while we hiked the two+ hours from the bus stop to the cabin. She left and I spent another hour or so making dinner (with intentional leftovers) for Friday night -- again a big veggie hash-up -- fried and spiced differently with some beef patties on the side. Pretty much all of the vegetables I had left in the house.
I packed my bag full: annoyingly puffy sleeping bag, some card games, headlamp, toothbrush (yup), extra this-and-that and all the other junk. Laced my boots up nice and tight. Caught the local bus down to the center. Got off the bus and crossed a large street to meet a friend. Realized in time that we had to walk another block and a half or so to the pick-up for the commute/distance bus. In that block and a half my ankle freaked out.
I tweaked it in Oslo back in April at Norwegian Mesterskap ultimate. I then went to København and played the WCU outdoor tournament for three days. My knees proved the limiting factor there. My ankle felt fine for a month and then Wednesday night started to ache a little inside my rubber dumpstering boot. I got home, got the boots off and it at least felt better. I thought maybe I could still do the trip and hike the hike if I got into the big boots Ethan sent me but nope. If anything I think that I cinched them up too tight and that contributed to the breakdown.
So standing there minutes from getting on the bus I had to just say goodbye to my friends. I had to unpack my bag on the sidewalk and dig out the dinner. Had to get back on the local bus and just come back up here to this room I sit in all the time (and am sitting in now). So -- no fun, no food, some pain, and I won't get to see a couple of those guys again (not folks I am so close with so that is actually not the worst of it). Mostly I just really needed to get out of here for a little while.
I found other stuff to do and it has been as okay a weekend as any. Just not as good as if I had gotten out of here for a while. So. Now I have one more reason to actually go to the doctor.
I have to wait three weeks for results (written and oral) but I may have managed an A without really trying. If so, that's two for the last two -- calc II UMassB AUG06 -- but I had to work on that one a little.
Anyway ...finished and wanted to get away. The last weekend here for a few people I know. My friend (An)Toni(a) and I got up really early to stand in line for cabin reservations on WED. morning. We weren't early enough and didn't get the cabin we wanted but got another one that would be tight and cozy but further away. Three of us were supposed to go on Friday afternoon. Another three to five to come on Saturday afternoon and just Toni and I were going to stay over Sunday night and come back Monday some time.
Toni and I spent a good amount of time Friday morning preparing a few days worth of lunch -- a major egg and potato salad: small farm strong eggs bought that morning from the gas station, potatoes, carrots, cauliflower, red pepper, lentil sprouts, onion, leek, garlic, light mayonnaise, bunch of spices -- all in a strong plastic bag to massage-mix while we hiked the two+ hours from the bus stop to the cabin. She left and I spent another hour or so making dinner (with intentional leftovers) for Friday night -- again a big veggie hash-up -- fried and spiced differently with some beef patties on the side. Pretty much all of the vegetables I had left in the house.
I packed my bag full: annoyingly puffy sleeping bag, some card games, headlamp, toothbrush (yup), extra this-and-that and all the other junk. Laced my boots up nice and tight. Caught the local bus down to the center. Got off the bus and crossed a large street to meet a friend. Realized in time that we had to walk another block and a half or so to the pick-up for the commute/distance bus. In that block and a half my ankle freaked out.
I tweaked it in Oslo back in April at Norwegian Mesterskap ultimate. I then went to København and played the WCU outdoor tournament for three days. My knees proved the limiting factor there. My ankle felt fine for a month and then Wednesday night started to ache a little inside my rubber dumpstering boot. I got home, got the boots off and it at least felt better. I thought maybe I could still do the trip and hike the hike if I got into the big boots Ethan sent me but nope. If anything I think that I cinched them up too tight and that contributed to the breakdown.
So standing there minutes from getting on the bus I had to just say goodbye to my friends. I had to unpack my bag on the sidewalk and dig out the dinner. Had to get back on the local bus and just come back up here to this room I sit in all the time (and am sitting in now). So -- no fun, no food, some pain, and I won't get to see a couple of those guys again (not folks I am so close with so that is actually not the worst of it). Mostly I just really needed to get out of here for a little while.
I found other stuff to do and it has been as okay a weekend as any. Just not as good as if I had gotten out of here for a while. So. Now I have one more reason to actually go to the doctor.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
an important distinction between "having" and "being"
language influences thought, right
i have a problem but the problem is not me
the problem is something that does not have to be fast and hard and solid
i am not depressed
i am not my depression
i have a depression
just as this blood-coughing thing in my chest grew beyond my immune system
this depression is something that has, over a nigh-unspeakably long time, developed into something well beyond my powers of mindcraft
in the last eight or nine years i have gone through periods of counseling
it was not easy to first accept that i needed that help
and sometimes i still waste talk time dealing with practical logistical life hurdles instead of deeper whatevers
but in general it helps
i have been talking with a social worker off and on here since the beginning of the year -- a bit too much "off" of late
i have had two "happy pill" trials in the past
the first time i started to feel better but i knew it was "artificial" and that was too double-edged for me
the second time i started to feel better but i got really busy, somehow forgot to take my dosage a few days in a row and had a really bad withdrawal reaction (felt like i had been poisoned (oof this is just dubious ground in every way))
other than some caffeine and a lot of sugar i was substance free until the day after my twenty-fifth birthday
i still consider myself to be mostly not a substance user
at this point i drink on average less than thrice a month and when i do it is normally not more than the equivalent of a beer or two
okay - part of it is that the beer here sucks really bad - but i am so used to not drinking that i don't miss it whine about it
i have some huge desire to help other people but tend to shun most sorts of identifiable external help aimed at me
dependency feels generally contrary to my being (self important much)
so i don't WANT to take anti-depressants to rebalance my brain chemistry
but i think it is fair to say that i have been dealing with depression at some level since high school
and it is really maybe just my pride that gets in the way of taking pills
if i can realize that this is a sickness i have
that it is something that is happening to me
that it is not a failing of my character or a true failing of my genetics
if i can accept that my depression doesn't mean that i am worth less than someone who doesn't struggle with these things
then this foolish thing of pride shouldn't play into it anyway
(somewhat confusing there - not sure if it is more important to just accept that i need help or to accept that this isn't about me or my worth)
you know from recent conversations or blog posts or generally knowing me that i am not doing so well of late
which is maybe not surprising considering the giant change i made recently
(yes i mean moving to this isolated incomprehensible white place)
i don't have a developed life here and i can't simply pack up and go back to the old one
nine hours later i pick up the draft again but the thoughts are less focused
on and on
a broken record with a point is still a broken record
so
i think i have a tooth rotting (forget i mentioned that) and i think i need to go back to see bent (that is my doctor's name - bent korssjøen (the cross-sea (noun but not verb form of cross))) again and see if we can't talk about me joining the medicated masses (and my achilles (and maybe my thumb if it doesn't start feeling better))
any well considered responses?
any gut responses from the anti-poppin' crowd?
unfounded opinions? fears?
stories about cute animals doing cute things?
now i am going to read some of the gandhi i mentioned
forward on all fronts at once
i have a problem but the problem is not me
the problem is something that does not have to be fast and hard and solid
i am not depressed
i am not my depression
i have a depression
just as this blood-coughing thing in my chest grew beyond my immune system
this depression is something that has, over a nigh-unspeakably long time, developed into something well beyond my powers of mindcraft
in the last eight or nine years i have gone through periods of counseling
it was not easy to first accept that i needed that help
and sometimes i still waste talk time dealing with practical logistical life hurdles instead of deeper whatevers
but in general it helps
i have been talking with a social worker off and on here since the beginning of the year -- a bit too much "off" of late
i have had two "happy pill" trials in the past
the first time i started to feel better but i knew it was "artificial" and that was too double-edged for me
the second time i started to feel better but i got really busy, somehow forgot to take my dosage a few days in a row and had a really bad withdrawal reaction (felt like i had been poisoned (oof this is just dubious ground in every way))
other than some caffeine and a lot of sugar i was substance free until the day after my twenty-fifth birthday
i still consider myself to be mostly not a substance user
at this point i drink on average less than thrice a month and when i do it is normally not more than the equivalent of a beer or two
okay - part of it is that the beer here sucks really bad - but i am so used to not drinking that i don't miss it whine about it
i have some huge desire to help other people but tend to shun most sorts of identifiable external help aimed at me
dependency feels generally contrary to my being (self important much)
so i don't WANT to take anti-depressants to rebalance my brain chemistry
but i think it is fair to say that i have been dealing with depression at some level since high school
and it is really maybe just my pride that gets in the way of taking pills
if i can realize that this is a sickness i have
that it is something that is happening to me
that it is not a failing of my character or a true failing of my genetics
if i can accept that my depression doesn't mean that i am worth less than someone who doesn't struggle with these things
then this foolish thing of pride shouldn't play into it anyway
(somewhat confusing there - not sure if it is more important to just accept that i need help or to accept that this isn't about me or my worth)
you know from recent conversations or blog posts or generally knowing me that i am not doing so well of late
which is maybe not surprising considering the giant change i made recently
(yes i mean moving to this isolated incomprehensible white place)
i don't have a developed life here and i can't simply pack up and go back to the old one
nine hours later i pick up the draft again but the thoughts are less focused
on and on
a broken record with a point is still a broken record
so
i think i have a tooth rotting (forget i mentioned that) and i think i need to go back to see bent (that is my doctor's name - bent korssjøen (the cross-sea (noun but not verb form of cross))) again and see if we can't talk about me joining the medicated masses (and my achilles (and maybe my thumb if it doesn't start feeling better))
any well considered responses?
any gut responses from the anti-poppin' crowd?
unfounded opinions? fears?
stories about cute animals doing cute things?
now i am going to read some of the gandhi i mentioned
forward on all fronts at once
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
favorite misspelling-creating-a-new-word of the day
"COMMUNITITES" [sic]
source: http://www.governmentattic.org/docs/FCC_Complaints_The-Simpsons_2003-07.pdf
source: http://www.governmentattic.org/docs/FCC_Complaints_The-Simpsons_2003-07.pdf
boring / health / less boring / amazing
some maintenance guy woke us up to change some smoke detector thing. can't be bothered to go back to sleep. most days struggle hard against going to sleep in the first place. still just desperate for input and haven't sorted much in the way of output.
I have been here more than nine months. I don't want to actually think about it (cuz my head goes to lots of less than happy places) but it is coming up because my program is coming to an end. We had our written final exam yesterday. I didn't study anything other than a little packet on prepositional phrases. These might be the biggest challenge/hassle. I can't just think:
"I am eager to blah blah" and translate it - cuz here it is more like "eager after"
"worry about" or "worry on" or "worry for"?
"dependent on" nope... it's "av" which is like a combo of "of" and "off"
I didn't start this intending to talk about the language. anyway at least a high B without trying (I have to wait three weeks for results). Oral exam is on thursday and then I am done for the year.
At the beginning of the year we didn't know enough norwegian to read the name of our program. We just started referring to ourselves as IFUS and kind of ignored the fact that it meant anything. On the exam yesterday I finally saw the whole thing again innføringsprogrammet for utenlandske studenter - introduction/insertion program for foreign students. blah blah thoughts about actually being an immigrant and being "foreign" and still more about how still being a whitey means I don't face the worst of it here. Some fucked up shit goes on here. SORRY that was boring. I could joke about Abdul's inability to take care of himself again but that is easy and while not meant in a mean-hearted way still unnecessary and boring too.
The antibiotics seem to be helping (not too quickly mind you bleh) but my achilles tendons (mostly the right one) are pretty unhappy (I started having trouble with both at the beginning of the BUDA season last summer after playing on that really hard field at tufts) and my right thumb is also pretty bad right now. It was hurting already last week and then this past sunday I had my hand out about to grab a disc and someone ran into not my whole hand but just the thumb it and jammed it back hard.
We have a radio that goes on with the bathroom light. The sound is supposed to be disruptive to our otherwise usually quiet kitchen -- to serve as yet another reminder to turn the light off for folks who have trouble with that concept. It also means occasional exposure to unexpected things. When I first moved in here it was set to some horrible commercial charts station (even more incentive to turn it all back off) but I started changing it and it has been on the classical flavored national radio channel for a while.
Yesterday I heard a bit of something with funny sounds -- thankfully I had enough time left before leaving for the exam to dial it in on my dumpstered radio and wait for the host to tell me what it was -- Rautavaara - Cantus Articus - concerto for birds and orchestra.
the birds didn't sound so bird like - I don't err ... okay I have to check now... 1972 recorded bird song ... I didn't hear the whole thing so I will try to find it ... but I wonder if it has ever been done live ... like in a natural bird area ... nope cancel ... it includes slowed down lark song ... so at least that part would have to be handled with some processing (can't REALLY process in the time domain and still call it "live").
.
and you all need to at least glance at tilleke schwarz's 99% perspiration genius.
like hyper sketchbooking in thread.
i can't pick a favorite.
i think having one on my wall might change my life.
i think i would stand in front of it often and marvel at the amount of work-energy put into it.
shutting up now.
love and lots of daylight.
I have been here more than nine months. I don't want to actually think about it (cuz my head goes to lots of less than happy places) but it is coming up because my program is coming to an end. We had our written final exam yesterday. I didn't study anything other than a little packet on prepositional phrases. These might be the biggest challenge/hassle. I can't just think:
"I am eager to blah blah" and translate it - cuz here it is more like "eager after"
"worry about" or "worry on" or "worry for"?
"dependent on" nope... it's "av" which is like a combo of "of" and "off"
I didn't start this intending to talk about the language. anyway at least a high B without trying (I have to wait three weeks for results). Oral exam is on thursday and then I am done for the year.
At the beginning of the year we didn't know enough norwegian to read the name of our program. We just started referring to ourselves as IFUS and kind of ignored the fact that it meant anything. On the exam yesterday I finally saw the whole thing again innføringsprogrammet for utenlandske studenter - introduction/insertion program for foreign students. blah blah thoughts about actually being an immigrant and being "foreign" and still more about how still being a whitey means I don't face the worst of it here. Some fucked up shit goes on here. SORRY that was boring. I could joke about Abdul's inability to take care of himself again but that is easy and while not meant in a mean-hearted way still unnecessary and boring too.
The antibiotics seem to be helping (not too quickly mind you bleh) but my achilles tendons (mostly the right one) are pretty unhappy (I started having trouble with both at the beginning of the BUDA season last summer after playing on that really hard field at tufts) and my right thumb is also pretty bad right now. It was hurting already last week and then this past sunday I had my hand out about to grab a disc and someone ran into not my whole hand but just the thumb it and jammed it back hard.
We have a radio that goes on with the bathroom light. The sound is supposed to be disruptive to our otherwise usually quiet kitchen -- to serve as yet another reminder to turn the light off for folks who have trouble with that concept. It also means occasional exposure to unexpected things. When I first moved in here it was set to some horrible commercial charts station (even more incentive to turn it all back off) but I started changing it and it has been on the classical flavored national radio channel for a while.
Yesterday I heard a bit of something with funny sounds -- thankfully I had enough time left before leaving for the exam to dial it in on my dumpstered radio and wait for the host to tell me what it was -- Rautavaara - Cantus Articus - concerto for birds and orchestra.
the birds didn't sound so bird like - I don't err ... okay I have to check now... 1972 recorded bird song ... I didn't hear the whole thing so I will try to find it ... but I wonder if it has ever been done live ... like in a natural bird area ... nope cancel ... it includes slowed down lark song ... so at least that part would have to be handled with some processing (can't REALLY process in the time domain and still call it "live").
.
and you all need to at least glance at tilleke schwarz's 99% perspiration genius.
like hyper sketchbooking in thread.
i can't pick a favorite.
i think having one on my wall might change my life.
i think i would stand in front of it often and marvel at the amount of work-energy put into it.
shutting up now.
love and lots of daylight.
Friday, May 16, 2008
wow
our new flatmate (abdul, sierra leone) arrived last week some time.
i am not sure how old he is -- roughly mid-20's
studies geo-physics.
and (this is where the funny part comes in) has ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE how to
operate in a kitchen.
the other day i found him standing, looking blankly at the 2-slice toaster
he asked how to use it. i internally shook my head and chuckled and externally smiled and sort of suggested that he could probably suss it out.
then i realized he was holding a store bought sub/sandwich like all sloppy with mayonnaise and little bits of lettuce and chunks of chicken.
it didn't get much better when i led him over to the oven (warning that the vegetables would get kind of lame with heat).
whatever.
just now i noticed that he has a plastic tub of neapolitan ice cream.
he must have bought it days ago.
it is under a box of eggs on the top shelf of the fridge.
should i move it for him or tell him or just let him figure it out on his own?
i am not sure how old he is -- roughly mid-20's
studies geo-physics.
and (this is where the funny part comes in) has ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE how to
operate in a kitchen.
the other day i found him standing, looking blankly at the 2-slice toaster
he asked how to use it. i internally shook my head and chuckled and externally smiled and sort of suggested that he could probably suss it out.
then i realized he was holding a store bought sub/sandwich like all sloppy with mayonnaise and little bits of lettuce and chunks of chicken.
it didn't get much better when i led him over to the oven (warning that the vegetables would get kind of lame with heat).
whatever.
just now i noticed that he has a plastic tub of neapolitan ice cream.
he must have bought it days ago.
it is under a box of eggs on the top shelf of the fridge.
should i move it for him or tell him or just let him figure it out on his own?
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
apparently...
spitting up blood does not worry medical people
i got unceremoniously shuffled from the emergency room
half an hour south (on the bus) to my fastlege (think PCP)
who listened to my lungs and tested my blood (all inside of twenty minutes)
and prescribed antibiotics and a cough syrup that contains morphine
i have started the antibiotics but will not even pick up the morphine
everyone around me will be drunk this weekend because it is national day and my flatmate's birthday
i thought i would join in a little but not with antibiotics in me
it'll be just like old times and recent times
i am going to turn in my semester paper as good enough
because it is actually far beyond good enough
i looked at some from last year
the source pages are dreadful
one gal just listed two sources: a book and "internett"
yes -- just "internett"
INTERNETT!!!!
it is worth noting that i was never really panicked through this
i might have been a little more freaked out in boston without health insurance
but maybe it just wasn't intense enough (even though one of the gobs i spit up while walking down to the hospital was surprisingly large and ruddy)
nothing is really intense any more except some moments of despair and despondency
even orange juice squeezed from the faux chic press i dumpstered last night is not measuring high -- isn't that supposed to be an undeniably enjoyable or at least intensely fresh thing?
let's blame the quality of the oranges
i got unceremoniously shuffled from the emergency room
half an hour south (on the bus) to my fastlege (think PCP)
who listened to my lungs and tested my blood (all inside of twenty minutes)
and prescribed antibiotics and a cough syrup that contains morphine
i have started the antibiotics but will not even pick up the morphine
everyone around me will be drunk this weekend because it is national day and my flatmate's birthday
i thought i would join in a little but not with antibiotics in me
it'll be just like old times and recent times
i am going to turn in my semester paper as good enough
because it is actually far beyond good enough
i looked at some from last year
the source pages are dreadful
one gal just listed two sources: a book and "internett"
yes -- just "internett"
INTERNETT!!!!
it is worth noting that i was never really panicked through this
i might have been a little more freaked out in boston without health insurance
but maybe it just wasn't intense enough (even though one of the gobs i spit up while walking down to the hospital was surprisingly large and ruddy)
nothing is really intense any more except some moments of despair and despondency
even orange juice squeezed from the faux chic press i dumpstered last night is not measuring high -- isn't that supposed to be an undeniably enjoyable or at least intensely fresh thing?
let's blame the quality of the oranges
oh and
yesterday i went to get on my bike and the back was flat and i pumped it up
and then while i was topping off the front the back exploded
i didn't over pump it
every morning when i wake up i sit at my computer and for the first half hour or so i blow snot out of my nose and cough other mucus out of my throat and deeper
but then it mostly goes away and i can mostly forget it for most of the rest of the day
just have to spit a little more than normal
this morning there was a tiny bit of blood
so i guess i should go to the doctor
oh wait
there is more and it is brighter
i am supposed to finish my paper
fuck
nobody panic okay
i will handle this
and then while i was topping off the front the back exploded
i didn't over pump it
every morning when i wake up i sit at my computer and for the first half hour or so i blow snot out of my nose and cough other mucus out of my throat and deeper
but then it mostly goes away and i can mostly forget it for most of the rest of the day
just have to spit a little more than normal
this morning there was a tiny bit of blood
so i guess i should go to the doctor
oh wait
there is more and it is brighter
i am supposed to finish my paper
fuck
nobody panic okay
i will handle this
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
bad, bad, bad, bad, bad news bears
a couple week ago i was looking at hairs further up the back of my hand than i had taken note of before and i wished i could be completely hairless for a while
on april 12th we took 3rd of 9 at the indoor norwegian ultimate championships
one april 20th i shared in 20th of 22 at WCU in københavn - which means our pick-up team beat two non-pickup teams
blah blah
it has been a bad month
it has been hard to get out of bed
except for this morning cuz i tasked my flatmate to get me out of bed before he left
thomas is more better than the most bestest
(no double comparatives or triple superlatives!)
it was still hard to get out of the house even after i was up
most things hurt
like my knees when i walk down the stairs leaving the house in the morning
i don't think i can do anything about most of the pains and
the things that don't hurt i can't seem to notice
i am being crushed
which will happen when you care too much and take it all too gravely
alex suggested gandhi's auto-bio "my experiments with truth" which i borrowed from the library but haven't yet cracked open
this bit about being crushed by the world would fit better up with that paragraph about not being able to get out of bed
i need a job
which means updating and translating my resume
looking for work always depresses me
i can look for a nice job in a way that will bum me out a lot
or i can (maybe) easily get a less nice job by going to the employment offices
i am sitting in the library waiting for a book to come down from storage
"silicon snake oil" by this wall-climber
i don't know why i am thinking about that right now
i should probably focus on the gandhi
but stoll has unstoppable life energy that comes at a price - envy? yeah
i don't know if the book is coming because i used the computer to order it from storage and i don't know if they really use that system or if i should have gone up to a desk
i can't find all of the norwegian words to ask and i don't feel like asking in english
tomorrow i will deliver an all too wrangled over thought over worked i mean i have worked more on it than i should have semester paper that doesn't say what i want but has lots of "ganske advansert" language (sentence construkjons that my teacher doesn't expect) and then all that is left for the year are a six hour written exam next monday (which i expect to finish in a little over three maybe - except there is an essay so maybe 7 hours is more likely) and a 40 minute (20 reading 20 speaking) oral exam next thursday
then yeah job
bleh
i think i am cancelling my berlin trip which means not meeting up with thomas valentine
and i miss ______ fill in your name here if you live or lived in boston and we were friends (eg. andrew, emma, jasmine, deb, ...)
but i think mostly i have been not replaced but supplanted whatever the difference is - okay there isn't really a notable one
if i come home will you make out with me?
brain vomit
as promised at the beginning
on april 12th we took 3rd of 9 at the indoor norwegian ultimate championships
one april 20th i shared in 20th of 22 at WCU in københavn - which means our pick-up team beat two non-pickup teams
blah blah
it has been a bad month
it has been hard to get out of bed
except for this morning cuz i tasked my flatmate to get me out of bed before he left
thomas is more better than the most bestest
(no double comparatives or triple superlatives!)
it was still hard to get out of the house even after i was up
most things hurt
like my knees when i walk down the stairs leaving the house in the morning
i don't think i can do anything about most of the pains and
the things that don't hurt i can't seem to notice
i am being crushed
which will happen when you care too much and take it all too gravely
alex suggested gandhi's auto-bio "my experiments with truth" which i borrowed from the library but haven't yet cracked open
this bit about being crushed by the world would fit better up with that paragraph about not being able to get out of bed
i need a job
which means updating and translating my resume
looking for work always depresses me
i can look for a nice job in a way that will bum me out a lot
or i can (maybe) easily get a less nice job by going to the employment offices
i am sitting in the library waiting for a book to come down from storage
"silicon snake oil" by this wall-climber
i don't know why i am thinking about that right now
i should probably focus on the gandhi
but stoll has unstoppable life energy that comes at a price - envy? yeah
i don't know if the book is coming because i used the computer to order it from storage and i don't know if they really use that system or if i should have gone up to a desk
i can't find all of the norwegian words to ask and i don't feel like asking in english
tomorrow i will deliver an all too wrangled over thought over worked i mean i have worked more on it than i should have semester paper that doesn't say what i want but has lots of "ganske advansert" language (sentence construkjons that my teacher doesn't expect) and then all that is left for the year are a six hour written exam next monday (which i expect to finish in a little over three maybe - except there is an essay so maybe 7 hours is more likely) and a 40 minute (20 reading 20 speaking) oral exam next thursday
then yeah job
bleh
i think i am cancelling my berlin trip which means not meeting up with thomas valentine
and i miss ______ fill in your name here if you live or lived in boston and we were friends (eg. andrew, emma, jasmine, deb, ...)
but i think mostly i have been not replaced but supplanted whatever the difference is - okay there isn't really a notable one
if i come home will you make out with me?
brain vomit
as promised at the beginning
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
10+ days of knee doom
i am off for ten.something days. discplay five of the ten.
norwegian ultimate championships start in a suburb of Oslo early tomorrow morning.
bum about Oslo for a couple days.
overnight ferry to København tuesday.
arrive 9:30 wednesday for free-roaming.
thursday open practice if enough of the team has arrived.
three days "Wonderful Copenhagen Ultimate 2008".
half of monday free-roaming before we fly back to Trondheim.
flying eco guilt.
a lot to do in the next four hours.
norwegian ultimate championships start in a suburb of Oslo early tomorrow morning.
bum about Oslo for a couple days.
overnight ferry to København tuesday.
arrive 9:30 wednesday for free-roaming.
thursday open practice if enough of the team has arrived.
three days "Wonderful Copenhagen Ultimate 2008".
half of monday free-roaming before we fly back to Trondheim.
flying eco guilt.
a lot to do in the next four hours.
Monday, April 7, 2008
idiot
i am clearly an idiot.
1. i thought i could argue with a chinese classmate about the state of anything in china. only after i made an ass of myself for probably half an hour did another classmate bother to remind me that NOBODY can argue with 30 years of brainwashing. i guess i usually operate under my own hopeful illusions.
2. i can't write simple essays. i make the himalayas out of everything. always trying to save the world -- which is a completely futile undertaking.
update 11.04.2008: some 1000+ words written since i drafted and shelved this entry.
1. i thought i could argue with a chinese classmate about the state of anything in china. only after i made an ass of myself for probably half an hour did another classmate bother to remind me that NOBODY can argue with 30 years of brainwashing. i guess i usually operate under my own hopeful illusions.
2. i can't write simple essays. i make the himalayas out of everything. always trying to save the world -- which is a completely futile undertaking.
update 11.04.2008: some 1000+ words written since i drafted and shelved this entry.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
sweaty
1. i am sitting in the kunstark ark space at KiT (Kunstakademiet i Trondheim) waiting for more people to show up for some lecture/discussion on "competences and incompetences". my slovenian friend, eva, will hopefully show up some time soon. yes. here she is.
2. i crashed at carin and troy's last night because they live close to the art school and we played settlers of catan (my first time. i won.) until about 11:30. carin is my american classmate. troy is her husband and my frisbee teammate. i slept in rain pants and am feeling a little unfresh.
3. tonight i have to make a banana dessert. eva wanted us to spend more thought on what we cook for meals so she made a list of words and cut it into strips. we each pulled a word and have to make something that fits to the word. i pulled "sweet" - then yeah... i pulled the bananas. i should stop blogging and go meet the art kids who are standing around. oh and the lecture thing is maybe starting.
2. i crashed at carin and troy's last night because they live close to the art school and we played settlers of catan (my first time. i won.) until about 11:30. carin is my american classmate. troy is her husband and my frisbee teammate. i slept in rain pants and am feeling a little unfresh.
3. tonight i have to make a banana dessert. eva wanted us to spend more thought on what we cook for meals so she made a list of words and cut it into strips. we each pulled a word and have to make something that fits to the word. i pulled "sweet" - then yeah... i pulled the bananas. i should stop blogging and go meet the art kids who are standing around. oh and the lecture thing is maybe starting.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
scoring
1. took two guys to the fields today. stefano (STEFano-ital.-1.timew/) and stefan (stay-fahn-nedrl.-2.timew/). major post easter jackpot ("score"). ten big big sides of salmon - as long as my arm w/o hand. half a case of bananas (there were three or four full cases) to turn into dessert for a dinner on thursday. chicken and juices and more. i think this marks the first time i have been fully inside a trash compactor (without a wookie sidekick).
2. been making a drive towards the wrong basket. well. not the wrong basket. just. someone else's basket. not a waste of time but i feel a bit deflated now.
3. been playing a really basic stupid flash zombie wars game in my "spare" time. inflated point scales do mean lots of time wasted. also been watching episodes of The Critic - jon lovitz is probably the most ridiculous and adorable man to ever do a hilter impersonation. if you never saw it or did and don't remember it - do yourself a favor and try to find a torrent. or let me know and i can pass you some eps.
2. been making a drive towards the wrong basket. well. not the wrong basket. just. someone else's basket. not a waste of time but i feel a bit deflated now.
3. been playing a really basic stupid flash zombie wars game in my "spare" time. inflated point scales do mean lots of time wasted. also been watching episodes of The Critic - jon lovitz is probably the most ridiculous and adorable man to ever do a hilter impersonation. if you never saw it or did and don't remember it - do yourself a favor and try to find a torrent. or let me know and i can pass you some eps.
Friday, March 21, 2008
goodbye tino goodbye mira goodnight moon
1. goodbye tino. goodbye mira. i went to sleep after four am last night and forgot to set an alarm to get up for a nine AM goodbye breakfast. the sun roused me to enough of a half state at eight am that i bolted upright and checked the clock. yah. set an alarm for another half hour's doze. got up showered and made over in time to cook some well appreciated eggs. thank you to the sun. and the people. all the people.
2. booked flight for myself and two friends to return from the first outdoor tourney of the year in copenhagen. oh. the flight is exactly a month from now. i will miss a full week (and a day) of class and i tried long and hard to find a way to get back without flying and not miss more. i didn't get it sorted. so now i am flying. with guilt. err. so. yeah. i am away from 11.-15. in oslo for NM norges mesterskap ultimate and then 16.-21. copenhagen.
3. my flatmate is... oh okay ... hi thomas. go away you smell like smoke. anyway. he's better than great and has not only made me feel very comfortable at home but man. yeah. i have been absorbed into his italo-venezuelan friend circle. which included tonight a funny amount of couched man-snuggling ... or at least shoulder lean snoozing. tomorrow he is taking us all to his mom's house and feeding us whatever we find in the fridge. maybe reindeer. um i forget what. anyway. stop smoking you dummy.
the design thing will have to wait a few more days.
2. booked flight for myself and two friends to return from the first outdoor tourney of the year in copenhagen. oh. the flight is exactly a month from now. i will miss a full week (and a day) of class and i tried long and hard to find a way to get back without flying and not miss more. i didn't get it sorted. so now i am flying. with guilt. err. so. yeah. i am away from 11.-15. in oslo for NM norges mesterskap ultimate and then 16.-21. copenhagen.
3. my flatmate is... oh okay ... hi thomas. go away you smell like smoke. anyway. he's better than great and has not only made me feel very comfortable at home but man. yeah. i have been absorbed into his italo-venezuelan friend circle. which included tonight a funny amount of couched man-snuggling ... or at least shoulder lean snoozing. tomorrow he is taking us all to his mom's house and feeding us whatever we find in the fridge. maybe reindeer. um i forget what. anyway. stop smoking you dummy.
the design thing will have to wait a few more days.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
W.I.P.A. - works in progress administration
is it funny to riff on the WPA? whatever.
i actually have good stuff today. i thought about my bits through the day. had three. forgot one. wrote down the other two. did more stuff and found a new third. came home and remembered the old third.
1. wow. tracking on USPS international priority mail work damn near magically in norway. i woke up. did usual morning who know's what. got an email. "attempted delivery" on my package. which i interpreted to mean that my package pick-up form was sitting in my mailbox. and it was. i grabbed it and hustled over to the post office and retrieved. !!! my NEW LEATHERMAN SURGE!!! this seller was kind of a major headache but the tool is finally in my hands (well - on my belt - more on that later). i already had to use the included diamond file to file a spot on one of the blade-locks that was not getting proper clearance. i just forgot something to say about this.
2. if you throw discs in light, even, powdery snow cover -- sometimes when they fall and roll to a stop they do so in a way that makes perfect fiddlehead/nautilius curves. mmm.
3. the original third will have to wait because it involves some drawing or photo taking. anyway. i owe in part to indirect inspiration from stuff on my friend sasha's blog which i think i started reading today because her birthday was today or soon. anyway -- links and documentation of some sort tomorrow.
4. today a venezuelan somebody who barely knows me -- trusted me with important life information. that was nice. i was going to explain more but i am just going to shut up knowing that i spent another day consuming not a lot and making some folks feel alright with fun and food and companionship.
i actually have good stuff today. i thought about my bits through the day. had three. forgot one. wrote down the other two. did more stuff and found a new third. came home and remembered the old third.
1. wow. tracking on USPS international priority mail work damn near magically in norway. i woke up. did usual morning who know's what. got an email. "attempted delivery" on my package. which i interpreted to mean that my package pick-up form was sitting in my mailbox. and it was. i grabbed it and hustled over to the post office and retrieved. !!! my NEW LEATHERMAN SURGE!!! this seller was kind of a major headache but the tool is finally in my hands (well - on my belt - more on that later). i already had to use the included diamond file to file a spot on one of the blade-locks that was not getting proper clearance. i just forgot something to say about this.
2. if you throw discs in light, even, powdery snow cover -- sometimes when they fall and roll to a stop they do so in a way that makes perfect fiddlehead/nautilius curves. mmm.
3. the original third will have to wait because it involves some drawing or photo taking. anyway. i owe in part to indirect inspiration from stuff on my friend sasha's blog which i think i started reading today because her birthday was today or soon. anyway -- links and documentation of some sort tomorrow.
4. today a venezuelan somebody who barely knows me -- trusted me with important life information. that was nice. i was going to explain more but i am just going to shut up knowing that i spent another day consuming not a lot and making some folks feel alright with fun and food and companionship.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
snotty
i should really take notes for this at points during the day. or just start writing it in the morning and plug things in as the day goes and not all at the end when i am overly sleepy.
1. i am still pretty congested.
2. i like fish a lot more than i used to.
3. the names mike and miike are damn close. one is a friend's husband and the other is an off-kilter japanese film director. there was confusion. it would have been funny if either of us understood it sooner -- but then it wouldn't have been confusion.
4. some things in the world change very fast. if you wait for a slow thing to happen before responding to a fast thing - oops. might not be a weekend trip to the coast now.
5. german academic semesters start at very different times and a lot of people have left/are leaving in march. actually i already mentioned that yesterday maybe.
1. i am still pretty congested.
2. i like fish a lot more than i used to.
3. the names mike and miike are damn close. one is a friend's husband and the other is an off-kilter japanese film director. there was confusion. it would have been funny if either of us understood it sooner -- but then it wouldn't have been confusion.
4. some things in the world change very fast. if you wait for a slow thing to happen before responding to a fast thing - oops. might not be a weekend trip to the coast now.
5. german academic semesters start at very different times and a lot of people have left/are leaving in march. actually i already mentioned that yesterday maybe.
the tiger's meal
1. slept only 5h30m last night but popped out of bed for disc drills. slipping later on my sleep patterns. it will easily be 0330 before i lie down to sleep. quite possibly later.
2. having a good flatmate to talk to is gold if gold were something that i actually cared about. fred moved back to leipzig today but thomas and i are holding strong. we're more like synthetic diamond.
3. it is lame to be a decent cook but think and claim that you are bad. but it is worse to be a bad cook and think you are good. thankfully tonight i only fell into the first category. potato-carrot fritters for monday "pot luck" - ginger-garlic-red pepper-onion-salt-pepper-piripiri-eggs and flour for binding-coat in (all :( of my) sesame seeds and rough sea salt and fry. duh.
the dumpster feeds new masses.
the beard (like everything) is ever in question.
the games get played.
2. having a good flatmate to talk to is gold if gold were something that i actually cared about. fred moved back to leipzig today but thomas and i are holding strong. we're more like synthetic diamond.
3. it is lame to be a decent cook but think and claim that you are bad. but it is worse to be a bad cook and think you are good. thankfully tonight i only fell into the first category. potato-carrot fritters for monday "pot luck" - ginger-garlic-red pepper-onion-salt-pepper-piripiri-eggs and flour for binding-coat in (all :( of my) sesame seeds and rough sea salt and fry. duh.
the dumpster feeds new masses.
the beard (like everything) is ever in question.
the games get played.
Monday, March 17, 2008
discless/smellybug/waffle
i have nothing clever to say tonight. maybe that is not the point. i had a nice day. filled with the usual confusions but nice anyway.
1. disc is the lynchpin of my week. it helps me keep my head and everything together. i always know where and when the week starts and ends. a sunday without disc throws me off. but. we played on friday evening (and then i skipped the art school kids gallery thing i was supposed to go to cuz chest cough and walking to town in the rain for just the last 40 minutes of something = not fun) and will play tomorrow morning. so more play than usual and no usual play. norwegian ultimate nationals on the 12th of april and if i get leave i will play hooky the next week and do an outdoor tourney in copenhagen the next weekend.
2. not having sunday disc meant i could go to the sunday cake buffet for the first time. only five kinds of cake - but good. a bunch of us played card games pretty much all day. cockroach poker. bluffing singles cards (cute little drawings of ugly animals) at time. can you tell the truth but make the other person think you are lying. can you lie and get them to think you are telling the truth. can you distinguish from the other side. i can't lie to save my life but i have very very high success rates on the receiving end. anyway. there were more at the beginning but a full five of us played games from a little before 4:30P until almost 1:00A breaking only to walk back up from the sunday cake buffet in the city center and eat a snack and then resume on my kitchen table. sentence structure failing me at this late hour.
3. can't stick to any decision. there is only one good reason to stay here. and i think i can eventually find it somewhere else. i can get more education later. it might be more difficult then but i want to be young and explore things for a little while longer. this means not being here. this means living in a big city with enough room for layers of culture and subculture and it also means living nowhere and riding a bike around and waking up in strange places. many things have to be done. i have been wanting to do a bike tour since before i quit working at children's hospital. since about jan 2006. so. it is time. this summer. up to the russian border? who knows. education schmeducation.
i guess i need sleep now. disc drills in seven hours. but not tired or at peace enough to sleep.
1. disc is the lynchpin of my week. it helps me keep my head and everything together. i always know where and when the week starts and ends. a sunday without disc throws me off. but. we played on friday evening (and then i skipped the art school kids gallery thing i was supposed to go to cuz chest cough and walking to town in the rain for just the last 40 minutes of something = not fun) and will play tomorrow morning. so more play than usual and no usual play. norwegian ultimate nationals on the 12th of april and if i get leave i will play hooky the next week and do an outdoor tourney in copenhagen the next weekend.
2. not having sunday disc meant i could go to the sunday cake buffet for the first time. only five kinds of cake - but good. a bunch of us played card games pretty much all day. cockroach poker. bluffing singles cards (cute little drawings of ugly animals) at time. can you tell the truth but make the other person think you are lying. can you lie and get them to think you are telling the truth. can you distinguish from the other side. i can't lie to save my life but i have very very high success rates on the receiving end. anyway. there were more at the beginning but a full five of us played games from a little before 4:30P until almost 1:00A breaking only to walk back up from the sunday cake buffet in the city center and eat a snack and then resume on my kitchen table. sentence structure failing me at this late hour.
3. can't stick to any decision. there is only one good reason to stay here. and i think i can eventually find it somewhere else. i can get more education later. it might be more difficult then but i want to be young and explore things for a little while longer. this means not being here. this means living in a big city with enough room for layers of culture and subculture and it also means living nowhere and riding a bike around and waking up in strange places. many things have to be done. i have been wanting to do a bike tour since before i quit working at children's hospital. since about jan 2006. so. it is time. this summer. up to the russian border? who knows. education schmeducation.
i guess i need sleep now. disc drills in seven hours. but not tired or at peace enough to sleep.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
first day off
1. i have the next two weeks free. lots of half willed half(quarter) plans for travel based on half conversations with half friends. have to write papers and apparently i should think about filing taxes. i tend to file about every year on average for the last six years or so. i tried to borrow the sewing machine that the resident assistants manage but it's out at the moment.
2. "spring has sprung" does not translate into anything equally clicky. i have been back on my bike for about a week dealing only with winter's loose gravel leftovers (still potentially injurious) and not so much with ice. i miss riding. i miss riding in the city. to cycle safely in the city one has to be supremely focused and present. to really close down a lot of the connections that scream for attention all of the rest of the time and just do that one thing. focused time. mentally restful even if it is physically dangerous. most of my confusion and stress comes of managing too many connections too much of the time. i now think of life size and complexity in terms of numbers of connections requiring management and i am after a more manageable scale. i will really try to do some solo bike touring this summer.
3. there are big heady books written about a lot of things i am interested in but i am a bit intimidated by a lot of them. i don't have much history as a "reader". i have to use really awkward tricks to not get stuck in little loops rereading the same sentence. someone gave me a trick that works but it is just so awkward - i cut a slot in a piece that is the width of the page but no higher than one line of text. i can only see one line of text at a time and can't double back on myself. i think i should read some of that thoreau emerson crap or some serious anarchic bits stuff from the wobblies or just some modern naomi klein type stuff. a friend had something for class about localization -- in the sense of being the opposite direction of globalization that looked maybe like the right sort of thing. i want to read e.o.wilson and all this other itelli-crud but i feel like my reading commitment level is somewhere mid-high school. that i just don't know how to approach anything scholarly. i need training wheel recommendations. bunny slopes. dunno.
2. "spring has sprung" does not translate into anything equally clicky. i have been back on my bike for about a week dealing only with winter's loose gravel leftovers (still potentially injurious) and not so much with ice. i miss riding. i miss riding in the city. to cycle safely in the city one has to be supremely focused and present. to really close down a lot of the connections that scream for attention all of the rest of the time and just do that one thing. focused time. mentally restful even if it is physically dangerous. most of my confusion and stress comes of managing too many connections too much of the time. i now think of life size and complexity in terms of numbers of connections requiring management and i am after a more manageable scale. i will really try to do some solo bike touring this summer.
3. there are big heady books written about a lot of things i am interested in but i am a bit intimidated by a lot of them. i don't have much history as a "reader". i have to use really awkward tricks to not get stuck in little loops rereading the same sentence. someone gave me a trick that works but it is just so awkward - i cut a slot in a piece that is the width of the page but no higher than one line of text. i can only see one line of text at a time and can't double back on myself. i think i should read some of that thoreau emerson crap or some serious anarchic bits stuff from the wobblies or just some modern naomi klein type stuff. a friend had something for class about localization -- in the sense of being the opposite direction of globalization that looked maybe like the right sort of thing. i want to read e.o.wilson and all this other itelli-crud but i feel like my reading commitment level is somewhere mid-high school. that i just don't know how to approach anything scholarly. i need training wheel recommendations. bunny slopes. dunno.
Friday, March 14, 2008
keep on trying
trying a new general format. mmm specifications. right?
sometimes easier to work with constraints.
so three simply stated thoughts/observations/realizations/updates per day then walk away. occasional longer format breaking things when i need to but.
not often.
1. it seems i actually am in some way trying to work towards some sort of enlightenment. any pictures i have of my future involve incredible solitude. one image is just bike touring. another that has stayed with me for a long time involves living in a reconditioned service station on some lonely road in the american mid-west - i would throw open those upward sliding garage doors and great the nigh silent morning. there'd be a bit of a chill. for some reason i am holding a cup of coffee though i still never plan on adopting the habit. solitude. tranquility. serenity. <=====> enlightenment. or just peace.
2. norwegian are very very proud of norway. many people wear things with the norwegian colors or the norwegian flag or simply NORGE. daily wear. it helps that the flag isn't as heinously ugly as the american flag. *SHRUG*
3. i think i need more handkerchiefs. i lost one of my oldest softest favoritest ones a month or so back. i have been a bit sick the past few days. using the ones i have, washing them out at the end of the day or whenever they get too gross, hanging them over something to dry, using whichever one has dried. i guess i have more than two so i don't actually need more. i just wish i hadn't lost the one i connected with the most.
let's see if i can do this again tomorrow.
sometimes easier to work with constraints.
so three simply stated thoughts/observations/realizations/updates per day then walk away. occasional longer format breaking things when i need to but.
not often.
1. it seems i actually am in some way trying to work towards some sort of enlightenment. any pictures i have of my future involve incredible solitude. one image is just bike touring. another that has stayed with me for a long time involves living in a reconditioned service station on some lonely road in the american mid-west - i would throw open those upward sliding garage doors and great the nigh silent morning. there'd be a bit of a chill. for some reason i am holding a cup of coffee though i still never plan on adopting the habit. solitude. tranquility. serenity. <=====> enlightenment. or just peace.
2. norwegian are very very proud of norway. many people wear things with the norwegian colors or the norwegian flag or simply NORGE. daily wear. it helps that the flag isn't as heinously ugly as the american flag. *SHRUG*
3. i think i need more handkerchiefs. i lost one of my oldest softest favoritest ones a month or so back. i have been a bit sick the past few days. using the ones i have, washing them out at the end of the day or whenever they get too gross, hanging them over something to dry, using whichever one has dried. i guess i have more than two so i don't actually need more. i just wish i hadn't lost the one i connected with the most.
let's see if i can do this again tomorrow.
Monday, March 3, 2008
unDROPPED OUT
plop plop fizz fizz (it's a vitamin C tablet)
my head hurts because i grind my teeth at night
i grind my teeth at night because ??? tension
i should be sleeping in a hammock in a tropical jungle
dreaming of climbing trees for fruit
instead i am dreading yet another snowy walk and
three hours of bleh
my head hurts because i grind my teeth at night
i grind my teeth at night because ??? tension
i should be sleeping in a hammock in a tropical jungle
dreaming of climbing trees for fruit
instead i am dreading yet another snowy walk and
three hours of bleh
Friday, February 22, 2008
temporary cure for feeling like complete and total sh..
curry turkey+ rice soup made from frozen thanksgiving carcass
sleep (cold sweats - bleh)
lots of anything having to do with lilo and stitch
sleep (cold sweats - bleh)
lots of anything having to do with lilo and stitch
Saturday, January 26, 2008
bloody zit, sour patch, dinner connections, flamboyant tundro, three stooges
A bunch of brain runoff:
SOUR ADVERTISING
I have been looking at candy on the internet -- prompted by a "Try our other... Sour Patch EXTREME" blip on the back of the movie style packs of Sour Patch Kids that my Michigan/Pittsburgh friends brought back for me after their X-Mas/NYear's trip home. I saw some new Sour Patch Kids commercials that were pretty good and they reminded me of a Canadian slushie commercial that I loved a while back.
Just by the name you should be able to tell if you have the stomach for this commercial -- well maybe not -- the commercial is disgusting/disturbing yet beautifully done and deeply sweet and real (again in an intense disturbing way) -- think: Larry Clark's oeuvre. The ice/sugar flavor drink (I am not saying SLURPEE cuz that's a brand and it isn't one of those) was called Bloody Zit!!! (my exclamation points - not the drinks) and I totally would have tried it. I get a real disappointing subjective time thing when I watch this commercial now. The first couple times I saw it were eternities -- all anticipation. The sound design is simple but fitting so it helps to turn the volume up.
The other unternet (that is a typo that I am keeping - can someone invent an unternet please) candy discovery of the week is UMEBOSHI HiChew. HiChew is like Japanese Starburst and UMEBOSHI is wicked good super salty japanese plum stuff that I grew up with cuz of my half hippie parentage. It's like salt licks for little macrobiotic boys. If it weren't super expensive everywhere and probably hard to find here (haven't tried) I would have inordinately high blood pressure. IN OR DI NAT LY.
BUILDING COMMUNITY (the tense drifts a bit here because it is lazily modded from the original email I sent out)
Recently I attempted to put some community building infrastructure into place in this little international student village I call "bleh" which means home in the language of disappointed people. I came home one day and took a nap and woke up a little later than I intended to and wanted to share a meal but all of the friends I could reach had already eaten. I knew there were others out there who hadn't eaten yet and who wanted company but I didn't know how to find them. I wound up having dinner with my nice new Italian roommate so everything turned out fine for that night. BUT... I decided that I didn't want to be in that position again. I sent an email to the ISU (International Student Union) email list that says most of this and posited that we didn't all have to be so poorly connected. Most of us use here Skype to stay in touch with folks at home... but we can also easily use it to stay in touch with each. I created a public chat called "MOHOLT (the name of the student cillage) DINNER CONNECTIONS". Err... I ran out of email to cop from...
Anyway it totally didn't work. People came into the chat room and just never said anything. Everyone kept telling me how much the love the idea but nobody used the damn thing. It got a bit more muddled over the next few days as other folks tried to change the tech (yes open systems/sources/structures are better) and wound up splitting everyone into multiple places right as we were first trying to form up.
Today I sent another email to the list... kind of long. About other community building idea stuff: like a "leave some stuff you don't need, take some stuff you do" space and an actual full time meeting/hanging-out/interacting space and just generally asking if people gave a shit. Basically this place bites for actually connecting with other folks. There are like 15 hours a week where you know that other people will be around in common space. 6 of those hours are movie screenings and the rest are mostly open hours at the ISU - which means drinking students being too loud and drunk blah blah blah.
I think maybe my target should not be the ISU which is mostly early 20 something students who want to party and maybe don't care to make our shared boat better for the next 20 somethings that come through to party. There is also ICoT (International Club of Trondheim) which is made up of older more family oriented folks - mostly from non-western countries - maybe they care a bit more. Maybe not.
SPROUTS
I sprouted lentils this past week. Super easy and the nutritional value supposedly goes through the roof. I should have made a nice salad but I got too lazy and didn't really have all the things I needed and they were plenty tasty with just a bit of olive oil and some salt. Ate the last few today with a squirt from my new bottle of sriracha.
SKI (whatever)
I am going to Sweden for a "ski trip" from Sunday until Thursday. I will probably not be near a computer almost the whole time. I mostly plan to sit around and read and draw and use my newly purchased embroidery hoop to put some cool stitches in something. Maybe I will try to find some rental snow shoes and I will go dumpstering in one more country. Shoot - if I don't bring my computer I will have NO MUSIC. I hope the apartments have a radio. I bought more lentils and some mung beans today and started the initial sprouting soak so I will have some decent sprouts by the second day of my trip.
PACKAGE
I got a package from Emma and Annie that has specific opening instructions which involve other people taking my picture as I open it so they can see my reaction. I will have to adapt the rules slightly because my room is a mess and I shouldn't bring people in there. I also hope there is nothing in there that can't wait another week to get freed from the package because I think I won't get it open before I leave for Sweden.
THREE STOOGES
The Marx Brothers and The Three Stooges. Funny ass old jew dudes. Huh?
I need to give The Marx Brothers a chance but I grew up watching The Three Stooges on Saturday mornings on WSBK TV38 and always planning to stay awake through the New Year's Eve marathons but never really succeeding. I have downloaded a few of the earliest ones and haven't decided how I feel about them. The shorts just seem so short -- not enough can happen in 20 minutes to make them really good. Need to watch more. So far I can only confirm that Curly's "Woo woo woo!" noises make me titter and that they were also shown in Columbia as "Los Tres Tontos" or something along those lines.
Oh and I will now go hunting for a torrent for The Herculoids - Zok and Igoo were lamest in that order. Tundro by far awesomest (I always like the charging juggernauts) and Gloop and Gleep pretty cool also. Useless human characters. To understand the supposed FLAMBOYANCE go read comments from the last blog entry. It is worth it. Nature is awesome. Real nature AND cartoon nature.
Sorry. English falls apart in there because I wanted to get this done and sleep as I have a lot to do tomorrow to get ready to go to Sweden. The Swedish Bikini Team was an american advertising scheme and nothing (directly) more.
SOUR ADVERTISING
I have been looking at candy on the internet -- prompted by a "Try our other... Sour Patch EXTREME" blip on the back of the movie style packs of Sour Patch Kids that my Michigan/Pittsburgh friends brought back for me after their X-Mas/NYear's trip home. I saw some new Sour Patch Kids commercials that were pretty good and they reminded me of a Canadian slushie commercial that I loved a while back.Just by the name you should be able to tell if you have the stomach for this commercial -- well maybe not -- the commercial is disgusting/disturbing yet beautifully done and deeply sweet and real (again in an intense disturbing way) -- think: Larry Clark's oeuvre. The ice/sugar flavor drink (I am not saying SLURPEE cuz that's a brand and it isn't one of those) was called Bloody Zit!!! (my exclamation points - not the drinks) and I totally would have tried it. I get a real disappointing subjective time thing when I watch this commercial now. The first couple times I saw it were eternities -- all anticipation. The sound design is simple but fitting so it helps to turn the volume up.
The other unternet (that is a typo that I am keeping - can someone invent an unternet please) candy discovery of the week is UMEBOSHI HiChew. HiChew is like Japanese Starburst and UMEBOSHI is wicked good super salty japanese plum stuff that I grew up with cuz of my half hippie parentage. It's like salt licks for little macrobiotic boys. If it weren't super expensive everywhere and probably hard to find here (haven't tried) I would have inordinately high blood pressure. IN OR DI NAT LY.
BUILDING COMMUNITY (the tense drifts a bit here because it is lazily modded from the original email I sent out)
Recently I attempted to put some community building infrastructure into place in this little international student village I call "bleh" which means home in the language of disappointed people. I came home one day and took a nap and woke up a little later than I intended to and wanted to share a meal but all of the friends I could reach had already eaten. I knew there were others out there who hadn't eaten yet and who wanted company but I didn't know how to find them. I wound up having dinner with my nice new Italian roommate so everything turned out fine for that night. BUT... I decided that I didn't want to be in that position again. I sent an email to the ISU (International Student Union) email list that says most of this and posited that we didn't all have to be so poorly connected. Most of us use here Skype to stay in touch with folks at home... but we can also easily use it to stay in touch with each. I created a public chat called "MOHOLT (the name of the student cillage) DINNER CONNECTIONS". Err... I ran out of email to cop from...
Anyway it totally didn't work. People came into the chat room and just never said anything. Everyone kept telling me how much the love the idea but nobody used the damn thing. It got a bit more muddled over the next few days as other folks tried to change the tech (yes open systems/sources/structures are better) and wound up splitting everyone into multiple places right as we were first trying to form up.
Today I sent another email to the list... kind of long. About other community building idea stuff: like a "leave some stuff you don't need, take some stuff you do" space and an actual full time meeting/hanging-out/interacting space and just generally asking if people gave a shit. Basically this place bites for actually connecting with other folks. There are like 15 hours a week where you know that other people will be around in common space. 6 of those hours are movie screenings and the rest are mostly open hours at the ISU - which means drinking students being too loud and drunk blah blah blah.
I think maybe my target should not be the ISU which is mostly early 20 something students who want to party and maybe don't care to make our shared boat better for the next 20 somethings that come through to party. There is also ICoT (International Club of Trondheim) which is made up of older more family oriented folks - mostly from non-western countries - maybe they care a bit more. Maybe not.
SPROUTS
I sprouted lentils this past week. Super easy and the nutritional value supposedly goes through the roof. I should have made a nice salad but I got too lazy and didn't really have all the things I needed and they were plenty tasty with just a bit of olive oil and some salt. Ate the last few today with a squirt from my new bottle of sriracha.SKI (whatever)
I am going to Sweden for a "ski trip" from Sunday until Thursday. I will probably not be near a computer almost the whole time. I mostly plan to sit around and read and draw and use my newly purchased embroidery hoop to put some cool stitches in something. Maybe I will try to find some rental snow shoes and I will go dumpstering in one more country. Shoot - if I don't bring my computer I will have NO MUSIC. I hope the apartments have a radio. I bought more lentils and some mung beans today and started the initial sprouting soak so I will have some decent sprouts by the second day of my trip.
PACKAGE
I got a package from Emma and Annie that has specific opening instructions which involve other people taking my picture as I open it so they can see my reaction. I will have to adapt the rules slightly because my room is a mess and I shouldn't bring people in there. I also hope there is nothing in there that can't wait another week to get freed from the package because I think I won't get it open before I leave for Sweden.
THREE STOOGES
The Marx Brothers and The Three Stooges. Funny ass old jew dudes. Huh?
I need to give The Marx Brothers a chance but I grew up watching The Three Stooges on Saturday mornings on WSBK TV38 and always planning to stay awake through the New Year's Eve marathons but never really succeeding. I have downloaded a few of the earliest ones and haven't decided how I feel about them. The shorts just seem so short -- not enough can happen in 20 minutes to make them really good. Need to watch more. So far I can only confirm that Curly's "Woo woo woo!" noises make me titter and that they were also shown in Columbia as "Los Tres Tontos" or something along those lines.
Oh and I will now go hunting for a torrent for The Herculoids - Zok and Igoo were lamest in that order. Tundro by far awesomest (I always like the charging juggernauts) and Gloop and Gleep pretty cool also. Useless human characters. To understand the supposed FLAMBOYANCE go read comments from the last blog entry. It is worth it. Nature is awesome. Real nature AND cartoon nature.
Sorry. English falls apart in there because I wanted to get this done and sleep as I have a lot to do tomorrow to get ready to go to Sweden. The Swedish Bikini Team was an american advertising scheme and nothing (directly) more.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
posthumous "doh!"
I woke up this morning some time between 6:30 and 7. In the last couple years I have seen 7:00 from the "wrong side" far more often. Why? Huh? Which? Well today -- to walk through the murk to throw a frisbee with the two other dudes who had a the stuff to show up. We can't get any more GOOD practice times -- blah blah whatever.
But I am writing because I can't find a book I want. Or well I want to write about it anyway but I can't find it to read and write about. I don't mean I can't find it here in Norway. I mean it isn't on eBay and it isn't on Amazon and it isn't on GEMMBooks and I am ennå (still) curious.
The National Geographic Channel had some hour on the "science (or was it secrets?) of shaving" and a newer one called "A Closer Shave" - longer irrelevant story not bothering you here. The show confirmed (so much as TV show experts can) that hair is seen by our genes as unhealthy. Evolution shapes attraction away from health risks (in this case parasites) blah blah. Moving very slowly towards the titular point.
Mr. almost-household-name Gillette has an anything-but(-household) f'n weird name: King Camp Gillette. Neither "King" nor "Camp" would really be that cool on its own but... King Camp? Somehow it's awesome -- having nothing to do with imagining a summer camp run by or for kings? Anyway its at least as good as when I got roundhoused in my pre-adolescent nose by a little purple belt named Lord Hampton.
WELL...
That's his awesome name and he was a utopian socialist. He wrote a book. He wrote a few books. "The Human Drift" lays out Gillette's wacked (awesome) Metropolis concept. Ol' K.C. (KING CAMP!! KING CAMP!! Everybody do the KING CAMP DANCE!! ???) wanted everyone in the United States to move in together around Niagara Falls. Hydropower is good food (ref: Campbell's Soup slogan). He also somehow figured that all business could get crammed together into one ginormous publicly owned megacompany. Just so you know "megalopolis" is a much awesomer word than "metropolis".
I have skimmed some web synopses/commentaries but have avoided reading them in depth (duh because I want to read the book). I saw this picture more than once and got curious. You can read more carefully in one of those things I skimmed - but the gist is simple. Each unlettered building is a living building. Each lettered set meets some public need (education, food, amusement). Each "need building" serves the six living buildings around it. From other pictures I gather that each building is supposed to be pretty mega huge. Looking at the pattern, you share some of your life by way of snacking, schooling, and sporting with people from your own and twelve other living buildings. Some from that set you only eat with, some you only study or play with. Your direct neighbor set will be a closer bunch - overlapping on two but never all three needs. Sounds initially maybe boring (or awesome) - but I imagine there is some more flexibility worked into it (boo)...
...I could tell you more but I haven't read the book. If anyone (book lovers and friends of bookstore owners) knows how I might find a copy (even literally a photocopy) of the book (eller bare the content thereof) -- do that thing where you write down a $$$ number on a little slip of paper and slide it across the table to me.
I seem to be writing a little bit more the way I think (and browse the internet - I have 117 tabs open right now - heh heh). Stacked thoughts/subtext and some bits of referential/experiential imagery that pop into my head - but with proper paragraph form and more or less capitalization. Clearly I hate commas. I think they are ugly - especially when I write them by hand -- which I almost never do. So yeah a lot of ellipses and m-dashes and parentheses - and sadly I am tiring of all of them as well. Well let me wrap this up even though I have a bazillion other things I want to say. I think maybe I will just make another entry just as soon as I post this one.
Resolving the title - though the point of this all was more just to mention head stuff from the last couple days. King Camp is dude number one absolute most responsible for spreading the concept of disposability in product design/as a business practice. Okay... YES he worked for the guy who invented the bottle cap and that is most likely how he got the idea for his disposable blades - but somehow that doesn't quite count the same way -- the bottle cap is a packaging material (a byproduct of soda juice beer blah blah). Packaging is a different animal that had already existed for millennia. Gillette's disposable blades were the first intentionally disposable by design product (admittedly yes the packaging thing does cloud this a bit) -- use it, when it no longer helps, very intentionally throw it away.
Anyone who knows me knows how much I generally dislike waste. Most bright folks know how cluttered the world is with nigh-undecaying yet mostly no longer useful metals and plastics and bloated diaper pad mush gel cruds.
So... "failed" socialist turned world famous mega money earner (I want to read a biography and find out what he did with his money). Gillette wanted good things for society, the world, what have you and in his time made shaving much easier for the world (I consider that to be of very mixed value) BUT wound up sowing the seed for all of the above mess. "Doh"ing in his grave.
Ooh... a package.
But I am writing because I can't find a book I want. Or well I want to write about it anyway but I can't find it to read and write about. I don't mean I can't find it here in Norway. I mean it isn't on eBay and it isn't on Amazon and it isn't on GEMMBooks and I am ennå (still) curious.
The National Geographic Channel had some hour on the "science (or was it secrets?) of shaving" and a newer one called "A Closer Shave" - longer irrelevant story not bothering you here. The show confirmed (so much as TV show experts can) that hair is seen by our genes as unhealthy. Evolution shapes attraction away from health risks (in this case parasites) blah blah. Moving very slowly towards the titular point.
Mr. almost-household-name Gillette has an anything-but(-household) f'n weird name: King Camp Gillette. Neither "King" nor "Camp" would really be that cool on its own but... King Camp? Somehow it's awesome -- having nothing to do with imagining a summer camp run by or for kings? Anyway its at least as good as when I got roundhoused in my pre-adolescent nose by a little purple belt named Lord Hampton.
WELL...
That's his awesome name and he was a utopian socialist. He wrote a book. He wrote a few books. "The Human Drift" lays out Gillette's wacked (awesome) Metropolis concept. Ol' K.C. (KING CAMP!! KING CAMP!! Everybody do the KING CAMP DANCE!! ???) wanted everyone in the United States to move in together around Niagara Falls. Hydropower is good food (ref: Campbell's Soup slogan). He also somehow figured that all business could get crammed together into one ginormous publicly owned megacompany. Just so you know "megalopolis" is a much awesomer word than "metropolis".
I have skimmed some web synopses/commentaries but have avoided reading them in depth (duh because I want to read the book). I saw this picture more than once and got curious. You can read more carefully in one of those things I skimmed - but the gist is simple. Each unlettered building is a living building. Each lettered set meets some public need (education, food, amusement). Each "need building" serves the six living buildings around it. From other pictures I gather that each building is supposed to be pretty mega huge. Looking at the pattern, you share some of your life by way of snacking, schooling, and sporting with people from your own and twelve other living buildings. Some from that set you only eat with, some you only study or play with. Your direct neighbor set will be a closer bunch - overlapping on two but never all three needs. Sounds initially maybe boring (or awesome) - but I imagine there is some more flexibility worked into it (boo)...
...I could tell you more but I haven't read the book. If anyone (book lovers and friends of bookstore owners) knows how I might find a copy (even literally a photocopy) of the book (eller bare the content thereof) -- do that thing where you write down a $$$ number on a little slip of paper and slide it across the table to me.
I seem to be writing a little bit more the way I think (and browse the internet - I have 117 tabs open right now - heh heh). Stacked thoughts/subtext and some bits of referential/experiential imagery that pop into my head - but with proper paragraph form and more or less capitalization. Clearly I hate commas. I think they are ugly - especially when I write them by hand -- which I almost never do. So yeah a lot of ellipses and m-dashes and parentheses - and sadly I am tiring of all of them as well. Well let me wrap this up even though I have a bazillion other things I want to say. I think maybe I will just make another entry just as soon as I post this one.
Resolving the title - though the point of this all was more just to mention head stuff from the last couple days. King Camp is dude number one absolute most responsible for spreading the concept of disposability in product design/as a business practice. Okay... YES he worked for the guy who invented the bottle cap and that is most likely how he got the idea for his disposable blades - but somehow that doesn't quite count the same way -- the bottle cap is a packaging material (a byproduct of soda juice beer blah blah). Packaging is a different animal that had already existed for millennia. Gillette's disposable blades were the first intentionally disposable by design product (admittedly yes the packaging thing does cloud this a bit) -- use it, when it no longer helps, very intentionally throw it away.
Anyone who knows me knows how much I generally dislike waste. Most bright folks know how cluttered the world is with nigh-undecaying yet mostly no longer useful metals and plastics and bloated diaper pad mush gel cruds.
So... "failed" socialist turned world famous mega money earner (I want to read a biography and find out what he did with his money). Gillette wanted good things for society, the world, what have you and in his time made shaving much easier for the world (I consider that to be of very mixed value) BUT wound up sowing the seed for all of the above mess. "Doh"ing in his grave.
Ooh... a package.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
adding, subtracting, blowing my head into conceptual little bits
this was started last thursday
-----------------------
it has been a different week
i am not saying good and i am not saying bad
if you were to have watched me from the wrong angle
it would have seemed like ever other week...
i spent an inordinate amount of time sitting at desk tapping at my computer
i was doing something so totally different from my usual
i was doing this...
---------------
Proposal for NOTAM lydkunstkonkurransen. (lyd=sound kunst=art competition)
Seth Davis
[ADDRESS and PHONE NO. STRUCK FOR OPEN INTERNET POST]
BASIC CONCEPT
For the Nov/Dec 2008 lydkunst utstillingen at Henie Onstad Kunstsenteret, I propose to develop and construct a simple radio-based sound spatialization system and to use that system to immerse gallery visitors in waves of sound from around the world.
The system will be housed in a square room constructed within the gallery space (see floorplan.jpg) - no larger than five meters per side and possibly as small as three and a half meters. A grid of knob-tuned radios will be mounted on each wall -- older-model consumer radios of various styles and vintages. Each radio will be powered but tuned to an empty frequency, emitting quiet AM radio static.
A radio transmitter sits in the middle of the room. This transmitter does the usual job of broadcasting any sound fed into its primary audio input, but has also been designed to shift its broadcast frequency based on a secondary input signal. The radio grids will have been arranged and tuned such that, as the broadcast frequency changes, the radios receive the broadcast signal in specific sequence and sound washes across the walls in controlled patterns.
I will design this system with assistance from electrical engineers here in Norway and technical contacts at Harvard University and M.I.T.. The concept is very scalable and at this approximate size can be made to work with anywhere between 160 and 400+ radios.
SIMPLIFIED EXAMPLES
Radios are arranged in a line and tuned to frequencies increasing from left to right. If a triangle wave is fed into the transmitter's secondary (frequency adjusting) input, broadcast sound will move along the line of radios from left to right, and upon reaching the end will reverse direction and travel back from right to left. So long as the triangle wave is supplied this continues. If the frequency of the triangle wave is changed, the speed of transposition changes proportionally. Switch the triangle wave for a sawtooth and the broadcast signal will move left to right and upon reaching the end will jump from the last radio back to the first and again move from left to right. Wrap that line of radios into a circle and the sawtooth response yields perpetual circular motion. (see diagrams in trisaw.jpg)
Expanding the concept to a wall of radios (adding the dimension of height) takes even these simple patterns to an impressive scale and allows for the arrangement of complex multi-dimensional patterns (simple 2d examples diagrammed in grid.jpg). Expand it to a four-walled room and the viewer becomes completely enveloped in shifting sound. Sounds can move in a multitude of patterns throughout the room -- dizzying circles, expanding spirals, oscillating rings, and sporadic bursts among others. Familiar communication technology acts in a completely unfamiliar way -- ripped from its usual role and context, the common radio must be reconsidered and its value recalculated.
RADIO SIGNIFICANCE
Radio has been connecting people since the first wireless telegraphs were put to use at the beginning of the 20th century. Radio is no longer thought to be exciting or vital by most, but it is a medium that is still developing and changing the world to this day. While broadcast radio in more developed nations is becoming ever more obsolete with newer internet communication protocols and its power as a social medium is diluted by commercial interests, it is still a vital part of communication and survival infrastructure in less developed parts of the world. RFID (radio frequency identification) chips are already drastically changing the way people interact with their environs. Radio will continue to channel human stories and vibrant music to the world and will start to carry ever more life-preserving, enriching, and easing information well into this 21st century.
ARTIST'S PHILOSOPHY/PROCESS
I am most happy when I feel connected to the world around me. I create sound and concept work to explore and encourage connections between people. I believe that art is a process that involves many. The process begins long before a work is exhibited and continues long after direct involvement of the artist ceases.
Throughout the development phase of an artwork I rely on discussion with artists and non-artists, scientists and non-scientists, friends and family to sharpen my methods and concepts and to gauge the effect of ideas. I seek to involve the general public in the artistic process through seemingly simple, non-art actions. Requests for the donation of materials lead to conversations with non-artists, increasing dialogue across the perceived "art"/"non-art" gap.
All of these interactions create connections between different sectors, carrying the flexible and open thinking of the artistic mind to fields/industries and individuals that may not have much experience with the creative process. Such interactions encourage cultural engagement in others and leaves me touched, changed and more connected with the world at large through exposure to diverse individuals and the stories and ideas they choose to share during the process.
In order to secure the required number of radios, I will need to run a steady and multi-faceted donation campaign. Print and internet elements will be necessary, but the majority of my efforts will be directed towards securing radio appearances. In the run of these interviews/appearances I will not only directly invite listeners to donate radios, but will also, through discussion of the work and its philosophies, indirectly prompt listeners to consider, among other things, their relationships to art, the connecting powers of both technology and the human capacity to help and share. By requesting used items I bring into question the values placed older objects, traditions, and technologies in our often disconnected contemporary engangsbruk/disposable society.
Radio serves as both the primary material/medium of the work's final form and a very large part of the process.
SONIC CONTENT
As I am not proposing a single specific sound work but rather a system of presentation, I also propose, with the help of NOTAM, to openly solicit original compositions from sound artists and contemporary composers around the world for "broadcast". Contributors will be invited to compose for specific patterns and variable speeds of motion. Complex positioning signals are possible and can be developed in conjunction with compositions for maximized control within the system, but contributors will be encouraged to embrace elements of uncertainty inherent in the non-synched system.
The system will be well-suited to playful live interaction between performer and environment. If it fits with the exhibition, the system can be scheduled for small electro-acoustic performances/experiments by skilled musicians from throughout Norway. Positioning can be controlled manually in instances where a musician would like to play specific spatial relationships or automated to the performers needs. The delay in a radio system is more than enough to negate the possibility of audio feedback within the system.
IMPACT
This work operates at multiple levels. As a gallery installation it provides a unique sound immersion experience, but it also reaches far outside of the gallery to non-art audiences. It holds the potential for live performance in an intimate setting. It encourages audiences to consider and strengthen their connections with the world around them.
BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION
Seth Davis is a cross-disciplinary artist working with concept. He gives form to concept primarily through sound, but also through performance, video, and event and social work.
He is a graduate of The Studio for Interrelated Media at The Massachusetts College of Art where he developed interests and competence in recording, composition and events production. Post-college work as a studio recording engineer brought skills and experience that serve him in the realization of his own audio concepts and compositions. An unquenchable curiosity about the world brings him ideas from the sciences and natural and human worlds he inhabits.
He is currently studying at NTNU in Trondheim, Norway, working towards a degree in electrical engineering and hopes to design and build musical instruments and creative electronic solutions for himself, other artists, and the rest of the world.
[the images/diagrams don't seem to display their blacks properly in my blog - but if you click on them they are fine]
--------------------------
so. yeah. gauged by how folks are responding - it is pretty cool. please give me your responses! (plz.) in a blog comment. even if they are iffy or confused. keywordØ constructive criticism. ?
i haven't done anything like this in a while or maybe ever -- propose one of my ideas in a formal professional-ish way... to people who might give me money. total budget/prize of 70 000 KR / ~$12,500 - and i get to keep whatever i don't use. yeah... never. and then i would be obligated to spend my entire summer mostly working on and thinking about this thing.
i have never had such a small obstacle course between a semi-raw idea and funding.
"propose your idea and if we like it you get money." with the stuff i think about that is not a usual opportunity. so -- not counting when my dad gave me $10 for some 6th or 7th grade scratchboard drawing of a sparrow or chickadee landing on a hand for some postcard design he sent out to promote his real estate company -- this is would probably technically be my first (notable) professional work as an artist.
it could be awesome - i could maybe get to do a little radio tour (that's dreaming) around northern europe. probably nothing more than a college station would have me.
still a large part of me doesn't want them to pick me.
some babble on the tons of issues wrapped up in here:
lots of i don't like making plans. i don't like be obligated to something.
fear of - i am not afraid of fucking up and it not all working out.
(the tech is solid but could be noisier than i expect)
(the system has some serious limitations)
what i am afraid of is being picked and given money and help and then fucking it up and it all not working out when someone ELSE could have been picked and had their little seed encouraged/nurtured. so... that breaks down to i am worried about wasting resources (time, energy, money) and i am worried about the potential damage to my never-existant-before-being-chosen-(if-it-happens) reputation as an artist.
----
week later news.
nothing on the proposal (i would hope they couldn't make a decision so quickly) but i have a new italian flatmate. his english is not so hot. finally found some fiskekaker in the dumpster and some tiny bottles of "spicy" oil and lots of the usual stuff. i have crushes on all the wrong people - in the sense of triangles and cross-wires. classes started two days ago and i am feeling pretty clever with the tongue but i use modal verbs too often which means i am more used to using the infinitive form of verbs than i should be and so sometimes i use the infinitive when i should use simple present tense - which is usually just one "r" different - but still not proper. i have to wake up in the dark but find i don't need a snooze at all which is good because my cell phone alarm has none. i go to sverige (sweden) from the 27th to the 31st for a skitrip but i have only been skiing (cross country) once in my life.
-----------------------
it has been a different week
i am not saying good and i am not saying bad
if you were to have watched me from the wrong angle
it would have seemed like ever other week...
i spent an inordinate amount of time sitting at desk tapping at my computer
i was doing something so totally different from my usual
i was doing this...
---------------
Proposal for NOTAM lydkunstkonkurransen. (lyd=sound kunst=art competition)
Seth Davis
[ADDRESS and PHONE NO. STRUCK FOR OPEN INTERNET POST]
BASIC CONCEPT
For the Nov/Dec 2008 lydkunst utstillingen at Henie Onstad Kunstsenteret, I propose to develop and construct a simple radio-based sound spatialization system and to use that system to immerse gallery visitors in waves of sound from around the world.
The system will be housed in a square room constructed within the gallery space (see floorplan.jpg) - no larger than five meters per side and possibly as small as three and a half meters. A grid of knob-tuned radios will be mounted on each wall -- older-model consumer radios of various styles and vintages. Each radio will be powered but tuned to an empty frequency, emitting quiet AM radio static.
A radio transmitter sits in the middle of the room. This transmitter does the usual job of broadcasting any sound fed into its primary audio input, but has also been designed to shift its broadcast frequency based on a secondary input signal. The radio grids will have been arranged and tuned such that, as the broadcast frequency changes, the radios receive the broadcast signal in specific sequence and sound washes across the walls in controlled patterns.
I will design this system with assistance from electrical engineers here in Norway and technical contacts at Harvard University and M.I.T.. The concept is very scalable and at this approximate size can be made to work with anywhere between 160 and 400+ radios.
SIMPLIFIED EXAMPLES
Radios are arranged in a line and tuned to frequencies increasing from left to right. If a triangle wave is fed into the transmitter's secondary (frequency adjusting) input, broadcast sound will move along the line of radios from left to right, and upon reaching the end will reverse direction and travel back from right to left. So long as the triangle wave is supplied this continues. If the frequency of the triangle wave is changed, the speed of transposition changes proportionally. Switch the triangle wave for a sawtooth and the broadcast signal will move left to right and upon reaching the end will jump from the last radio back to the first and again move from left to right. Wrap that line of radios into a circle and the sawtooth response yields perpetual circular motion. (see diagrams in trisaw.jpg)
Expanding the concept to a wall of radios (adding the dimension of height) takes even these simple patterns to an impressive scale and allows for the arrangement of complex multi-dimensional patterns (simple 2d examples diagrammed in grid.jpg). Expand it to a four-walled room and the viewer becomes completely enveloped in shifting sound. Sounds can move in a multitude of patterns throughout the room -- dizzying circles, expanding spirals, oscillating rings, and sporadic bursts among others. Familiar communication technology acts in a completely unfamiliar way -- ripped from its usual role and context, the common radio must be reconsidered and its value recalculated.
RADIO SIGNIFICANCE
Radio has been connecting people since the first wireless telegraphs were put to use at the beginning of the 20th century. Radio is no longer thought to be exciting or vital by most, but it is a medium that is still developing and changing the world to this day. While broadcast radio in more developed nations is becoming ever more obsolete with newer internet communication protocols and its power as a social medium is diluted by commercial interests, it is still a vital part of communication and survival infrastructure in less developed parts of the world. RFID (radio frequency identification) chips are already drastically changing the way people interact with their environs. Radio will continue to channel human stories and vibrant music to the world and will start to carry ever more life-preserving, enriching, and easing information well into this 21st century.
ARTIST'S PHILOSOPHY/PROCESS
I am most happy when I feel connected to the world around me. I create sound and concept work to explore and encourage connections between people. I believe that art is a process that involves many. The process begins long before a work is exhibited and continues long after direct involvement of the artist ceases.
Throughout the development phase of an artwork I rely on discussion with artists and non-artists, scientists and non-scientists, friends and family to sharpen my methods and concepts and to gauge the effect of ideas. I seek to involve the general public in the artistic process through seemingly simple, non-art actions. Requests for the donation of materials lead to conversations with non-artists, increasing dialogue across the perceived "art"/"non-art" gap.
All of these interactions create connections between different sectors, carrying the flexible and open thinking of the artistic mind to fields/industries and individuals that may not have much experience with the creative process. Such interactions encourage cultural engagement in others and leaves me touched, changed and more connected with the world at large through exposure to diverse individuals and the stories and ideas they choose to share during the process.
In order to secure the required number of radios, I will need to run a steady and multi-faceted donation campaign. Print and internet elements will be necessary, but the majority of my efforts will be directed towards securing radio appearances. In the run of these interviews/appearances I will not only directly invite listeners to donate radios, but will also, through discussion of the work and its philosophies, indirectly prompt listeners to consider, among other things, their relationships to art, the connecting powers of both technology and the human capacity to help and share. By requesting used items I bring into question the values placed older objects, traditions, and technologies in our often disconnected contemporary engangsbruk/disposable society.
Radio serves as both the primary material/medium of the work's final form and a very large part of the process.
SONIC CONTENT
As I am not proposing a single specific sound work but rather a system of presentation, I also propose, with the help of NOTAM, to openly solicit original compositions from sound artists and contemporary composers around the world for "broadcast". Contributors will be invited to compose for specific patterns and variable speeds of motion. Complex positioning signals are possible and can be developed in conjunction with compositions for maximized control within the system, but contributors will be encouraged to embrace elements of uncertainty inherent in the non-synched system.
The system will be well-suited to playful live interaction between performer and environment. If it fits with the exhibition, the system can be scheduled for small electro-acoustic performances/experiments by skilled musicians from throughout Norway. Positioning can be controlled manually in instances where a musician would like to play specific spatial relationships or automated to the performers needs. The delay in a radio system is more than enough to negate the possibility of audio feedback within the system.
IMPACT
This work operates at multiple levels. As a gallery installation it provides a unique sound immersion experience, but it also reaches far outside of the gallery to non-art audiences. It holds the potential for live performance in an intimate setting. It encourages audiences to consider and strengthen their connections with the world around them.
BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION
Seth Davis is a cross-disciplinary artist working with concept. He gives form to concept primarily through sound, but also through performance, video, and event and social work.
He is a graduate of The Studio for Interrelated Media at The Massachusetts College of Art where he developed interests and competence in recording, composition and events production. Post-college work as a studio recording engineer brought skills and experience that serve him in the realization of his own audio concepts and compositions. An unquenchable curiosity about the world brings him ideas from the sciences and natural and human worlds he inhabits.
He is currently studying at NTNU in Trondheim, Norway, working towards a degree in electrical engineering and hopes to design and build musical instruments and creative electronic solutions for himself, other artists, and the rest of the world.
[the images/diagrams don't seem to display their blacks properly in my blog - but if you click on them they are fine]
--------------------------
so. yeah. gauged by how folks are responding - it is pretty cool. please give me your responses! (plz.) in a blog comment. even if they are iffy or confused. keywordØ constructive criticism. ?
i haven't done anything like this in a while or maybe ever -- propose one of my ideas in a formal professional-ish way... to people who might give me money. total budget/prize of 70 000 KR / ~$12,500 - and i get to keep whatever i don't use. yeah... never. and then i would be obligated to spend my entire summer mostly working on and thinking about this thing.
i have never had such a small obstacle course between a semi-raw idea and funding.
"propose your idea and if we like it you get money." with the stuff i think about that is not a usual opportunity. so -- not counting when my dad gave me $10 for some 6th or 7th grade scratchboard drawing of a sparrow or chickadee landing on a hand for some postcard design he sent out to promote his real estate company -- this is would probably technically be my first (notable) professional work as an artist.
it could be awesome - i could maybe get to do a little radio tour (that's dreaming) around northern europe. probably nothing more than a college station would have me.
still a large part of me doesn't want them to pick me.
some babble on the tons of issues wrapped up in here:
lots of i don't like making plans. i don't like be obligated to something.
fear of - i am not afraid of fucking up and it not all working out.
(the tech is solid but could be noisier than i expect)
(the system has some serious limitations)
what i am afraid of is being picked and given money and help and then fucking it up and it all not working out when someone ELSE could have been picked and had their little seed encouraged/nurtured. so... that breaks down to i am worried about wasting resources (time, energy, money) and i am worried about the potential damage to my never-existant-before-being-chosen-(if-it-happens) reputation as an artist.
----
week later news.
nothing on the proposal (i would hope they couldn't make a decision so quickly) but i have a new italian flatmate. his english is not so hot. finally found some fiskekaker in the dumpster and some tiny bottles of "spicy" oil and lots of the usual stuff. i have crushes on all the wrong people - in the sense of triangles and cross-wires. classes started two days ago and i am feeling pretty clever with the tongue but i use modal verbs too often which means i am more used to using the infinitive form of verbs than i should be and so sometimes i use the infinitive when i should use simple present tense - which is usually just one "r" different - but still not proper. i have to wake up in the dark but find i don't need a snooze at all which is good because my cell phone alarm has none. i go to sverige (sweden) from the 27th to the 31st for a skitrip but i have only been skiing (cross country) once in my life.
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